You Are Absolutely Baffled that People Still Ask How You Feel About LeBron


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In lieu of LeBron James’ greatest career feat of all time over the Bobcats, I thought that we could knock this one off the list finally. To quote the “King” himself, “The man above has given me some unbelievable abilities to play this game of basketball,” via a postgame interview. “I try to take advantage of it each and every night.” WELL ISN’T THAT JUST FANTABULOUS?! We are SO glad that God is on your side down in sunny Miami! I’m curious, if or when LeBron leaves the Heat, will monstrous hellbeasts ascend from the souls of every person in Miami and rapture the city to a bloody, grotesque oblivion? I’m fairly certain that that is what out-of-towners believe happened to Cleveland when LeBron left us high and dry after denying us the Championship.

Whenever I travel outside of Cleveland and strike friendly conversation with the general public, the moment they realize where I am from they all react the same. Their faces tend to contort into a horrendous look of trepidation, terror and satisfaction (all in that order) because of the mere fact of what comes out of their mouth next. “So how do you feel about LeBron leaving?” It honestly never ceases to amaze me that I’m still asked this question regularly. IT’S BEEN 4 YEARS PEOPLE. GET OVER IT. Yet they cannot. They cannot let go of the fact that we were so close! Yet so far.

I like to think that in a perfect Cleveland world, we won every single Championship following his abandonment from the Cavs, but then I come back to my mundane world, and the concise reality that we are a cursed city that hadn’t won a championship with or without LeBron since oh… EVER. 9 times out of 10, if you’re a true Clevelander you do one of two things, politely yet unskillfully laugh it off and abrubtly change the subject. This usually happens in sober times of joy and merriment, or after a few beers and shots of fireball, your eyes glaze over and a hellacious cretin that only comes out whilst talking Cleveland sports takes over your body and spews venemous, horrid tales of the bastard man that stole our chance. OUR ONE TRUE CHANCE AT VICTORY!

All in all, as a Clevelander myself, I have to admit that there is a teeny, tiny, itty, bitty place in my heart that’s made of stone. LeBron is there and will stay there for as long as I am living. WITNESS THAT PUNKASS.

In conclusion, how can you tell the difference between LeBron James and a tree?

A TREE HAS MORE RINGS. Burn. Suck it. Facial.

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~ by carluhhcouture on March 4, 2014.

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