You’ve Never Ridden In a Taxi

Taxis

You’ll come across a lot of things in downtown Cleveland, big yellow taxis are not one of them. Very rarely do I see taxis within the city limits. They’re usually buzzing around the airport or the bar scene in Lakewood. they don’t even remotely resemble the typical taxi you’d see in New York City. They’re usually maroon in color, I believe that is the Westlake Express taxi company. They often remind me of unmarked police cars, undercovers, creeps…

There have been several occasions in which I have walked down the street at night or even during the afternoon and a cab driver has sat in his car staring daggers at me as I pass. I try to not make eye contact for the mere fact that I feel like these bastards are stalking me sometimes. I’ve seen them literally sit in the street for an hour at a time “waiting” for someone to get in their cab. I’m not sure how the taxi cab business works, but I’m pretty sure acting like a creepy P.I. isn’t in their job description.  No offense to taxi cab drivers, I’m sure you mean no harm, but there are a select few that look as though they were axe murderers before landing their job as a chauffeur.

Well in short, I’ve managed to somehow find myself in a taxi before, not in Cleveland, but the outside ‘burbs. It was by no means what one would call a pleasant experience. It smelled like urine and cigarettes. There was crusty substance on the backs of the driver and passenger seats which I will not go into detail about, and the flatulence being released by the cab driver every five minutes smelled like his stomach had fallen out of his ass. I would not suggest taking a cab, not that cab at least. I can’t remember which company it was , but it was Awful with a capital A!

In conclusion, you’d probably be better off riding a bike or bumming a ride from one of your friends. Thank god taxi’s aren’t the main source of transportation in Cleveland!

You’re Polish

Polka Magic

Polka! Polka! Polka! Grab your white socks and black shoes it’s a Polish party! Prepare the peirogi’s and head on down to Parma or Slavic village, careful of all the Polish immigrants though. If you’ve ever been through Cleveland towards the end of August I’m sure you’ve heard the accordians blasting at the  Polish Heritage Festival.  I don’t know much about the festival itself as I’ve never been, but you can bet you’re kielbasa it is the largest gathering of Polish people in Ohio!

You Know You’re From Cleveland Products!!

Hello all!

It’s been a few days since I’ve posted. I am really going to try and update this more often.

I’d like to take this specific time to ask you to PLEASE PLEASE take part in the poll posted on this particular post. I would really like to start designing You Know You’re From Cleveland products to sell, such as t-shirts, coffee mugs, bumper stickers, and so on and so forth.

Please feel free to leave a comment with any ideas of your own or even e-mail me at youknowcleveland@gmail.com. I’d really appreciate it!

HERE’S THE CATCH:

I’d also like to take this time to ask for your help. After you vote on the poll please send this link to your friends, family, colleagues or whoever! Anyone from Cleveland that might enjoy reading this blog. I’d really like to see this whole thing take off in the next couple of weeks or months, even the next year. So please, it’ll only take a second!

If the response on the poll is good enough, maybe I can do some sort of incentive program for how many people you refer to this blog. I’ll have to come up with something. Let me know what you think!

Have a great day and I’ll be looking forward to hearing from all of you!

You Don’t Really Know Any Homosexuals, You Just Know There Are a Lot of Them In Lakewood

Lakewood, Ohio

Lakewood, Ohio. The third largest city in Cuyahoga, not EXACTLY Cleveland, but close enough. Home to many things, and many people. Just to list a few:  Aladdin’s Eatery, Malley’s Chocolates, Dennis Kucinich (hah..), the highest concentration of vegetarians and vegans, The Beck Center for the Arts, and of course, last but not least homosexuals.

I have nothing against gay men, I see them everyday, as I live on the border of Cleveland and Lakewood. There is a gay bar right down the street from my house next to one of my favorite bars, Now That’s Class. It is ironically called The Hawk. Every so often men drift from the Hawk over to Now That’s Class to mingle with the young people whom hang out there. We all just seem used to it I suppose, rarely is anyone phased by their presence.

However, I’d say just about every person who has visited Lakewood, or heard about it has heard of it being full of gay men. “Oh, they’re everywhere, doing it everywhere, blah blah blah.” False. There is quite a substantial gay community in Lakewood, however they do not parade around as if they’re owed something, and they certainly aren’t “doing it” on the sidewalk in the open. Or maybe they are and I’ve just been oblivious to this…

I personally enjoy being around gay guys. As awkward as that may sound. They’re just so sassy and fun and dramatic I love it. I recall going to My Friends restaurant which just so happens to be down the street from my house now and I was sitting at a table next to a couple of cross dressers. They had to be some of the funniest people I’ve ever met. But that’s besides the point.

So, I suppose unless you live in the area you’ll always hear about the homosexuals that live in Lakewood, but in reality, they’re no more present then most other people. If you ever see one, say hi! They don’t bite.

You Know About the Eastside/Westside Rivalry But Don’t Really Understand It

East vs. West

I thought this specific topic was acceptable for today because I was just discussing this rivalry with a friend. I grew up in a small suburb outside of Cleveland known as Columbia Station. For first time visitors they’d probably consider it a rural area considering there’s really only two main roads passing through the town, but… semantics. My friend grew up on the east side of Cleveland.

During our lengthy conversation we came to several conclusions. The first being that most people do not even know what is actually considered West or East side. Where I grew up I would not consider that the West side, yet a suburb known as Berea which is about 5 minutes from my parents house is apparently West side. On the East side, they face the same sort of problem. Is downtown considered East side? What about the West side market? There’s so many boundaries that it’s virtually impossible to break each side down.

As far as actual gangs go, I did a little research and found the top 10 gangs in Cleveland along with a map of their territories. Many of them I’m familiar with some I’ve never heard of, regardless you can tell the obvious areas of east/west side separation.

A question I posed was other than gangs why do normal kids, teenagers, young adults, etc. feel the need to have this rivalry? Just because a city separates two parts of a state doesn’t mean anything. They’re just geographically different places. I’ll never understand it, and I belive that’s why this blog is titled as such. Most Clevelanders aren’t aware of the reason for this East vs. West side thing. Other than maybe drugs, money, or arms who knows? I’d like to know your thoughts!

You Take Credit For Cedar Point Even Though It’s An Hour Away

Top Thrill Dragster, Cedar Point

The 364 acre Roller Coaster Capital of the World. Home of 17 roller coasters, including Top Thrill Dragster which is the second fastest and tallest in the world…in Sandusky. Of course Clevelanders would take credit for this place. It’s a heaven on earth for thrill enthusiasts around the world.

If you’ve never been to Cedar Point, GO. It’s an experience of a lifetime I promise you. Not only because of the rollercoasters and water parks, but also because of the great diversity of people you’ll see walking around the place. Now, I’m not a very judgemental person, but to be completely honest, you get ALL kinds at Cedar Point. The majority of them look something like this:

White Trash

 …

Hoooo-weee. Yeeeee-hawww. Hot damn!

No.

I hope the vast majority of people who go to Cedar Point do not see Clevelanders as resembling the above photographed as the cream of the Cleveland crop because they are NOT. They’re an awful eye sore at such a fun place.

Can you imagine standing in line for 2 hours to ride the Millenium Force, it’s 90 degrees outside, there’s not a breeze or cloud, and you’re standing next to one of them. The sight is terrible, the stench is awful, and the language they speak sounds like it’d be fluent among in-breds. Although in actuality, it probably is in some parts of the world. So if you ever venture to Cedar Point keep in mind, ever white trash asshole you come across is NOT a representation of Cleveland, we just like to take credit for it…unknowingly!

You See Christmas Lights Still Up In July

Tacky

Picture this.

It’s almost 9 pm on a Saturday night, it’s a sweltering 90 degrees still, even though the sun is set. You decide to take a little drive in the air-conditioned car considering your central air in the house is either non-existent or broken. You pull out of your driveway and on to the street and drive down the road a little way only to roll your eyes at the sight of Christmas lights STILL hanging up in your neighbor’s yard.

This always embarrasses me a little bit, not because I dislike Christmas or decorations but because of the mere fact that my neighbors are tacky and altogether too lazy to get their asses outside to take down something that took them longer to put up. All too often I hear the excuse “Well I mean, I’m just going to put them up again next year…”.

NO.

My excuse of, “Mom, why should I make my bed? I’m just going to sleep in it again…” NEVER worked so neither can yours Clevelanders. Really, the nerve of this city. 8.3 percent of the city is unemployed anyways SO there really is no technical excuse for not being a bum and leaving your decorations up all year.

Let’s try to get classy this year and take down the lights in a timely fashion, I’d say sometime after New Years, and by sometime I do NOT mean the middle of summer when Christmas has been over for 7 months. Your neighbors and out of towners will appreciate the gesture, and not be confused as to what month and/or holiday it is.